So You Want To Be A Slave? Think Again

PS – This was not written by me, I found this article on this blog post. I am currently in a FLR relationship and it really connected with me deep, felt like sharing.

I decided to adapt this article because it explains what being a slave is like. I made some changes here and there to make it fit my life but I left much of it unchanged as it was so well written. I have seen many submissives come into the lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. I don’t wish to ruin anyone’s dreams, or turn them from the activity, but what I wish to do is to explain how things really are. Many people think it’s all scene time or BDSM play but few consider just how much service can be involved.

Being a slave can be, and is for me, a wonderful life. It’s everything I wanted it to be. It is also more than I ever expected, and had someone explained the realities to me prior to my decision, it would have made my transition so much easier. For the purpose of this article, I am addressing issues related to being a 24/7 slave. These comments are from my viewpoint, which is that of a male slave with a Female Dominant. By no means do I wish to exclude Dom’s or female slaves. For them, I cannot comment from personal experience. This is just my view from a real-time experience. I will always be a 24/7 slave for the rest of my life and even thought it can be hard and full of sacrifice, if I were not a slave I would crave being one so I gave myself over to this lifestyle.

First, there are a few things you need to discover for and about yourself. Do you wish to be in this type relationship 24/7? Perhaps you only wish to be in it during the scenes. Maybe you want to role-play at only during certain times. There are many ways this activity can be done, but you have to figure out what is right for you.

Second, you need to learn to be honest with yourself. Figure out what you will and will not do, and what is a “maybe”. Search inside yourself for what you really want, and when you find it, be honest about it. Don’t agree to something long-term that you know you will not be able accomplish. Ask yourself some hard questions. The rest of this article will give you aspects to contemplate so you can base your decisions on reality, and not someone else’s dreams of how it should be

Are you prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone else? 24/7 slaves do this. Role-playing would mean entering into this relationship only for the time agreed upon that the Mistress would have the total control. Once the scene is over, everything returns to normal.

Do you enjoy country music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Consider this. The Mistress whose collar you will eventually wear, may only like classical or another type of music that you don’t enjoy. Are you prepared to give up those selections and only listen to Her music? This type sacrifice can apply to many other things you currently enjoy. For myself, I love action movies and certain kinds of television. Mistress does not like many of the movies I like. Because of Her preferences, when we watch TV together, I rarely get to pick the channel. She takes control of the remote and I am usually kept in bondage on the floor at her feet. When I am a good slave, at times, She may permit me to watch a show I want as long as I get my assigned tasks and chores done. Note, I said, “permitted to”. It is not a given that you will be permitted to enjoy even these little pleasures whenever you wish. These limitations can apply to many areas of your life such as choices of food, music, TV shows, friends, just about anywhere and anything.

Is there a certain style of clothing you like? If your Mistress doesn’t approve of them, you may be wearing a totally different style with colors and materials you never would have dreamed of. She may lay your clothes out for you every morning. Are you prepared to abide happily by Her choices? If She ordered you to wear only rubber or feminine clothes at home at all times and train you to a life in high heels, could you do this without hesitation? At any time, should Mistress decide that She wants me to wear something else, I am to change immediately. Trust me, She does exercise this right. I have also learned to always ask Her what She would like me to wear if we are going someplace special. This kind of dress code is enforced at all times so I am always dressed how She wants, even when I don’t want to be.

Do you enjoy watching latest superhero movies or tv series as soon as they come out. If your Mistress doesn’t enjoy watching those kinds of movies, you might not be allowed to watch them. Are you prepared to give up on your choice of movies and only watch movies of Her preferences? If She wants, She can decide not to permit you to watch any kind of motion media all together. Are you prepared to give up watching movies, tv series or any other form of motion media for rest of your life or until She permits again and only then? Are you prepared to close your social media accounts on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other platforms upon Her orders? As all of this will belong to Her and She can exercise Her control social activities.

Are you prepared to change your hairstyle, length, or color to please your Mistress? All of these will belong to Her once you accept your collar as will everything else that once belonged to you. You will no longer own anything. From the time you take Her collar, everything will be Hers. It will no longer be “your” car or “your” clothes, but “Hers”, on loan to you as She sees fit. If She should so choose, you will not be permitted to wear clothes at all. This will be HER choice, not yours. Remember, you will have given up all rights to make these choices for yourself. Mistress decides when I get a haircut and if and when She wants me to have facial hair. She requires my body be entirely hairless from the neck down and failure to do so mean a punishment. This is a source of self-consciousness and embarrassment but it is more important that She be pleased with me than what others think.

Do you have a favorite chair, or a certain way you like to sit. Your Mistress will decide whether you sit on furniture or on the floor. You may have to ask permission to even climb into bed, or sit on a chair. I am allowed a cushion on the floor that I do not need permission to sit upon, but very little else. You may even need permission to eat at the table with your Mistress. Mistress has access to all of my money and my passwords for everything. She can read my texts and emails whenever She wants. She controls when I am allowed alcohol and makes sure I stay thin enough for Her pleasure by weighing me at times. She has made it clear that She wears the pants in the relationship to most vanillas we associate with and has humiliated me a couple of times by openly insinuating that I am Her slave. She does not provide any details but I have been struck speechless by some things She has said in front of others both in and out of the BDSM community.

You have a favorite food which you like to eat whenever you are feeling down? Your Mistress will decide if you can buy or make that dish. She will have a say on what food you can eat. You have a sweet tooth? She will have final say if you can eat sweet things. She can deny any kind of sweet food in your diet. Are you prepared to give up sugar for Her pleasure? She will have the final say on your diet and as a slave you must follow Her orders.

It’s been a long hard day at work. You get home and want nothing more than to relax. Well, you won’t be able to. Being tired, ill, or just in a bad mood does not excuse you from your required tasks. You are still required to do them: prepare Her meals, and go to bed when She tells you to. Retiring for bed usually occurs at a set time, even if you are not ready to go. There will not be a “I am too tired” or “I don’t feel well”: nothing of the kind. Unless your Mistress has excused you from your tasks and chores, you will remain responsible for making sure Her needs and wants are filled: no matter what. It is your job to inform your Mistress of your physical health status. One of your main jobs will be to take care of, and protect, Her possessions. You being the most prized one She owns. As long as you let your Mistress know how you are feeling, She will make sure that your tasks will be appropriate to your capabilities.

Many come into this lifestyle looking to be used sexually, to service their Mistress at Her whim. They never consider other aspects. The main part of being a slave is to be of service to your Mistress, and not to be serviced for yourself. However, being readily available to Her at ALL times is also an unspoken expectation. The old excuse “not tonight, I am not in the mood” doesn’t work in a D/s relationship. In order to provide Her pleasure, you must also express to Her the pleasure of the moment for you as well. Never make your Mistress feel this is a chore to you: something you would rather not do, but will only because you have to. If your Mistress tells you to do something, it will not be up to you to question Her. You will be required to respond with no questions asked. The aspect of “Topping from the Bottom” must not be an aspect of the dynamic and you will find that discipline, discomfort and even pain (without injury) may be part of Her BDSM play and not what you want. Using Her honorary every time you speak may be required. At a later time (if this is permitted in your relationship), you may ask Her for permission to speak on an equal level. If She gives permission, this will be your opportunity to ask your questions. However, it is important to ask in a way so as not to question Her authority, but at the same time to satisfy your curiosity.

She may decide to keep you in chastity to prevent refractory periods, keep your oxytocin levels high, control when and how you orgasm, and to remind you that you are an owned slave. I was locked in a custom made titanium chastity device with prince albert piercing for added security and wore it 24/7 even while flying. Chastity device only comes off once every month for 10 minutes for deep cleaning, other than that I don’t get to touch Her cock, see Her cock and feel Her cock. Even Her mother, daughter and friends know that She keeps me locked and denied. I am currently going through electrolysis hair removal over my pubic area, so I can wear the device 24/7 without any issues and I will likely wear this device for the rest of my life. Your Mistress may also make use of something called a punishment dynamic which takes the form of something you don’t enjoy so punishments are to be feared, not enjoyed. I do not like pain so Mistress uses heavy corporal on me when She is displeased with Her slave.

Do you feel being a slave is to be coerced: forced into servitude? Do you think you couldn’t do this unless you were? Then think again. Slaves enter into this relationship of their own free will. This is not the day of forced slavery; it is a matter of choice. YOURS! You are the one who will decide to give over your power to your Mistress. You will be doing this, not because you are forced to obey, but because you need to. Yes, during the course of your relationship there will be times you will be forced to do something but it will never be something that goes against who you are or who you become. Your Mistress may feel obeying this command will help you to grow into the best person you can be, or will help you break out of an inhibition you have. The hardest thing for me was to enter into permanent chastity but Mistress made sure I was able to handle it full time before She made the decision. She wanted her control over me to be real and so this was how She able to make it happen.

How is your temper? Are you quick to fly off-of-the-handle when you are upset? Or are you laid back, accepting anything and everything, and then go off to sulk because your feelings were hurt? A Mistress does not wish to have a doormat for a slave nor does She desire to be told how things should be. Learning when and how to say things will become very important in your relationship. If you do not tell your Mistress when something is bothering you, then you have no right whatsoever to become upset. However wonderful and omnipotent She may seem, She is not a mind reader: unless you tell Her, She won’t know. The key, as I said a moment ago, is in how you tell Her.

Your self-discipline is very important in this relationship. Do you tend to put things off until the last possible moment? You won’t be able to do this when you are owned. There will be chores and tasks your Mistress will assign that She expects to be done in a timely fashion set by Her, not by you. Your Mistress wants and needs will be put before your own. You are secondary to Her in all things. Self-discipline is similar to self-control. Your ability to follow and complete assignments made by your Mistress will be very important. As a slave, you will need to be able to control your own actions well enough to be able to remain within the boundaries set for you by Her. If She says you can’t do something, simply, you can’t. Doing it anyway, and not telling Her doesn’t make it right. In the case of a Mistress/slave relationship, what you don’t know CAN hurt you, as well as the relationship you have worked so hard to build. Even a simple “white lie” can destroy the trust so necessary to really establish this type relationship.

As to wants and needs of your own: do you know the difference between the two? If not, I strongly recommend you figure them out before entering into servitude. Sometimes the two are hard to distinguish, but it will become important that you do so. Your Mistress will ensure all your “needs” are taken care of, but the “wants” will be Hers to allow or not, as She sees fit. Wants are usually given as a reward for good behavior.

In order to be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to accept within yourself and adapt to. Your primary purpose in life will be to see to your Mistress’s pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any manner She should desire. In order to do this, you will have to learn your Mistress well. Find out what pleases and displeases Her. By this, I do not mean just sexually. You will learn that sex is but a small part of your relationship. Learn to anticipate Her every need and desire without being pushy. Her needs and desires will encompass intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other things unique to Her. Remember – physical does not equal sexual. Physical pleasure may include, but is not limited to, touch, foot rubs, favorite foods, textures, clothing, and colors as examples. It will be your job to make sure Her physical pleasures are met in every way. Think of the five senses, and make Her environment pleasing to all of them. Never forget – the most pleasing thing in Her environment should be you.

As Her slave, it will be up to you to figure out what pleases your Mistress. She should not have to ask constantly for the basic things – you should have learned them. If Her glass is empty, quietly and unobtrusively refill it. Remember, you are doing this for Her pleasure not your own. It is not about what She can do to you, it is about what you can do for her. Just because She does not notice and praise you doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong. Look at Her smile. Is She comfortable? If She looks happy and content, then you have done well, and should bask in Her content. Always remember that you do this for Her and not for your own satisfaction. It is about selflessness, not selfishness. Your happiness should come from serving Her and Her being happy.

As was said in the beginning of this article, it is not about trying to scare you away from the world of D/s. The goal is to make sure that, when you enter a D/s lifestyle, you do so with your eyes wide open, fully knowing what to expect. The road will not be an easy one. You will have to re-learn much of what you once took for granted: things you just did without thinking, like simply sitting in a chair and how you speak to Her. These are habits we never even think about anymore. That is, until we find a Mistress.

Everything else you learned before reading this article is probably true. Being a slave is a wonderful life: one where you are taken care of. Many decisions are out of your hands and in those of your Mistress. But, many choices will still be left up to you. Most Mistresses want a slave who is smart, has a sense of humor, and a will of their own. There is no pleasure in owning a doormat who just sits or is only walked upon. She will become bored very fast.

You will find being a slave everything you dreamed of and so much more if you enter this life knowing more of what to expect. If you are meant to be in the lifestyle, you will find that, where you were once only walked through life, you will be gliding on air. Parts of you that never were complete will then become whole. In relinquishing control, I have found freedom: freedom to find and be the person I am inside.

It is my hope that, after reading this article, you will be able to make a more informed choice about entering this lifestyle. Never forget that, one of the most important requirements for existing in this lifestyle is honesty. Honesty with yourself first. However, you will find that this is not as easy as it sounds. Once you learn to do this, you will find yourself at peace and able to enter your servitude with a clearer mind, knowing where you are and where you want to be. When you accept your Mistress’s collar, you give up all your rights. Being a slave means sacrifice giving up so much more than you would if you were a submissive. You give up all rights in your life. Slave isn’t just a word; it’s a way of life, a defined action. Be well, my friend, and I hope you enjoy this lifestyle as much as I have come to love being in it.